Don't read it if you don't want to, its only me rambling.
I always swore I'd never end up like my parents. I promised myself over and over that I'd be different. Yet, everyday I find similarities between me and them. My quick temper? I get that from my dad. My tendancy to stay in awful relationships? From my mom. My willigness to quickly forgive? Also from my mom. My I-dont-give-a-shit attitude? Thats from my dad. Im a mess of contradictions. I'm only fifteen, you'll have to forgive me :)
My day has been up and down. I had such awful mood swings that even I was afraid of myself lol and Im not even on my period. Scary. Sometimes people really piss me off and I'm torn between wanting to smack them and wanting to be a good person. Like my friend, S? She hates high school. We're both "gifted and talented" which means that we're smarter than the average bear. (Rant about GAT coming up really soon) The teachers at our HS dont have control over the kids and the kids don't want to learn anything anyway. But S is having a hard time because she does want to learn and the kids are pissing her off. Honestly? Im tired of her acting like shes better than them. Im tired of her complaining every single day about this because its stupid. I wanna scream at her to fix it for herself, but then, its like, how can she fix it? I get that shes super smart and that she is an overacheiver but that doesnt make her better than anyone else in our school. Idk, am I making sense? Bleh.
Gifted and Talented? Ugh thats a whole 'nother subject. I've been in the gifted and talented program since I was in kindergarten. Kindergarten. In my opinion, thats way to early to judge a kid. I never asked to be put in the higher classes, but in first grade I found myself first being transfered into a higher class for half the day, then being transfered into a second grade class for half the day. C'mon people, I was still picking my nose for crying out loud! Then my parents found out there was an entire school for kids like me. Yippee. To be fair, they did ask if I wanted to go. I said yes, because they told me my best friend would be going too. I've always known that I was never smart enough to be in that school. I had to have things explained to me over and over before I got them. I was always the kid who got B's and C's, which at my school was about the same as an F. It was A or failure. My friends used to ask what I needed help on, but eventually I got so embarrassed, I stopped letting them help me. High school is a great place for me, because I finally feel smart. I'm pulling A's in almost all my classes now, except for science, where I have no idea whats going on...
Maybe its Christmas, but I feel lonely. I've been over-analyzing all my past relationships lately and I feel like I if I just look hard enough, I can figure out why they didn't work and what I can do to change that...Idk. I think I like my gay best friend. Isn't that awesome? Haha, the word you're looking for is NO. J saved my life. Not going to lie, he's the reason I'm still here. And then of course theres that pesky little crush I have on my best friends crush...CRAP. My personal rule has ALWAYS been if one of my friends likes a guy I like, I back off, even if I liked him first. Its because of this rule I missed out on what probably would have been the greatest relationship ever. I liked the guy for three years but never told anyone because my ex best friend K liked him too. It wasn't even worth it in the end cuz K is a backstabber shit talker. And of course theres Ke. I met Ke and instantly fell for him. Everyone could tell but I constantly said "I dont like him!" which became a running joke between my friend B and I. "Oh, look, isn't that the guy you don't like?" I swear I have Ke radar tho, cuz no matter where I am, the minute I look up, I see him. He never sees me. Idk, I knew he was a player to begin with. I knew that. He cheated on one of my friends with another one of my friends and I still went for it. Because I have a tendancy to get into and stay in bad relationships...Im an idiot. But its like, Ke and I have had sooooo many cute adorable moments that its hard to like, just forget about him. There was homecoming, the grass outside, falling down the hill, walking around the building, the hallways, everywhere I go is another stupid memory. Today I'm pretty sure I saw him holding hands with some girl. I mean, its not like we're together or whatever, but like, you know...He said he wanted me back, like, last week. I just didn't think I'd be so easy to get over. I sound like a stupid teenage girl, which I am, but I still don't like sounding like one. Enough about love!
My best friend, (Well one of them) lets call her Dr. Pepper, she's amazing. Shes like ten pounds and shorter than me, but not by much. She's super shy and doesn't make friends easy because so many people have hurt her shes afraid to let people in. I've known Dr. Pepper since Kindy. Thats about ten years now. No one will ever replace her. After ten years, she knows exactly how to deal with me. I'm not the easiest person to get along with. I pick fights, because I can, and I'm extremely selfish and proud. But Dr. Pepper understands and forgives me for it. She's the first person I go to when I have a bad day, the person who talks shit with me, laughs with me, teases me and argues with me. I love her to death and would not be here without her either.
Sometimes I think I'm super blessed to have these amazing people in my life, but other times I just wish they would all go away. I think I'm going to end this rant now...I ran out of things to say and Im kinda embarrassed I revealed so much about myself here lol. I dont really care, I just feel like people will think mean things about me...:P
I also wanted to reply to Sam! :)
Haha reading your comment made my entire day like three thousand times better!
Rice and soup actually sounds reallllllllllly good! And five pounds is what my goal is! Hopefully I can so it...You sound absoulutely amazing and if I had ur email I would totally stalk you ;) haha Hypoglycemia SUCKS then. Grrrr....Well, I'm off to go comment on ur post lol
~LeeLee
This is me...Unfortunately.
ramble as much as you want, ma petite angle!
ReplyDeleteyou're an adorable piece of contradiction. i am a splitting image of my Father. my Father cannot sympathise with a dying flower though and remains extremely apathetic in his own nature. being a Doctor the only time he exerted any form of concern was when i was extremely sick, especially that one time they had to put me on IV and other times when he thought i had an eating disorder and his concern was barricaded through walls of anger as well.
yes. you truly are making sense, my dear. i believe that i do not enjoy people that overexert their power. they were gifted and should be more-so modest about it in my opinion then developing the ego the size of my [extremely plump] ass.
wow. we have a smart little pixie here, hmm? i'm an IB student. we're graded from 1 to 7. anything below a 6 is practically suicidal in my family. a 6 and 7 get high praise, a 5 doesn't even if it is in the most advanced form of IB.
when you said gay best friend, i blinked and said "is that me?" xD. awe. i like the sound of J. YOU. ARE. SO. ADORABLE.
*sighs softly* makes me want to date you. i can be the fat boyfriend that drives a really sexy car. *hopefully* i'm thinking Mustang or a Chevy? a really awesome one too. *__* i'm like thinking 1976 Mustang Shelby. yes or a 1969 Chevy Chevelle SS...did you see how that thing looks like from the inside? we can have sex in it.
...your friend is a bad tasting drink?
i mean - ;)
<3 it's alright, darling. we sometimes need to rant about the people we love or else we'll go insane. xD.
ahahaha. email: angelz_141@hotmail.com. <3
Hypo is a whore on crack that is too needy.
i'm glad my comments made you feel better!
i get a free half-naked picture of you? delicious! AND because you KNEW this was coming:
the skin that is just slightly above your breasts is so clear, so lovely and soft-looking in nature. your arms are extremely molded rather perfectly, and you have such a beautiful delicate wrist. makes me want to drop on my knees, take your hand and kiss only the most cautious of kisses on that lip. you have such a beautiful tone to your skin that emphasizes on your adorable little belly button. i love the way that your body slowly transits to your hips. i love the curve of your thighs, in such a linear, perfect unbroken melodic line. i love the characteristic chaotic nature of your room. <3 unfortunately...fate will not let me lend a kiss.
*kisses fingers* and ooooh. what bands do i like that you like??? * curiosity killed the wolf in Miss Lupin*
-Sam Lupin