128

So, awhile ago I was at the doctors office. About to step on the scale, which as most of you know is super scary. I held my breathe and looked down at the little numbers. 128. OMG. I haven't been 128 in a ridiculously long time.
Anyway though, I'm still continuing to eat only small amount and I've been walking to and from school every day, so thats 40 minutes of excersize. I think I'm going to start doing crunches again though. I hate my stomach, but my boyfriend seems to loooove poking it and everytime he does I'm disgusted with myself. Its huge and nasty. Now, my boyfriend is super strong and can pick me up (and does all the time, much to my horror), but there is a limit to how much he can pick up and I feel like I'm about to pass that limit. I hate it when we stand next to each other because I always feel like if he could see me in comparasion to him, he'd leave me. I feel like if I can loose some more weight, he'll decide to stay with me. IDK. Maybe I'm stupid, but this is High School...Boys don't often look past looks. I think about all my bf's ex girlfriends and how they're all so much smaller than I am. Ugh. Maybe I should just date a fat guy. Blarg.
Sometimes, when I eat, I feel this tug deep inside my throat and its like my body wants me to throw everything I ate back up. I've resisted so far, but I can't stop thinking about how much better I would feel if I did throw everything up. I've heard horror stories about what it can do to someone. Acid eats away at their throats and ruins their vocal chords, but I want so bad to feel empty, achingly empty...Maybe I'll give in. I'll keep you posted. Ha. Like there is any one here who is even reading this, let alone someone who cares.